Tuesday, December 27, 2005

What is this respect thing anyway?

I used to have an idea about what respect meant to being a man. I thought I would be happy to be married to a woman that didn't insult me, or to one who didn't always think that I was stupid or that I was wrong all the time.  All I cared about was a woman that didn't have negative feelings about me. As long as she didn't think badly of me, I imagined that I would have been ecstatic with her. In the back of my mind disrespect was the opposite of respect so to not show one meant the other. In other words, you show me respect by not disrespecting me.

But it recently occurred to me that this idea is too... uh... "post-modern".  Disrespect and respect are in fact not opposites. You can refrain from disrespecting someone you do not respect. You don't even have to think negatively about someone and still not respect them. You may not have any feeling about someone at all and still not show them disrespect. But do you respect them?  Probably not.

It's also possible to respect someone and to disrespect them at the same time.  You may respect someone and talk badly about them behind their back, especially if you are angry with them.  Think back on your teen years.  Even if you respected your parents, you no doubt did many things that you knew were disrespectful.  So in fact disrespect and respect are really not all that related.

Disrespect is an action.  Respect is an emotion.

Respect is more than not arguing in public, or not insulting a person. To respect a person you MUST look up to him. A wife should think that her husband is the greatest thing since sliced bread. If she doesn't feel this way, then why is she married to him? She is not fulfilling his desire to be respected and he is obviously not fulfilling her desire to be with someone who is worthy of her. Husbands and wives are more than roommates with benefits. They are lovers and best friends. They have searched the ends of the Earth and in the end forsook 3 billion other people so they could be with this one single person forever. Choosing a spouse isn't simply inviting that person to be a part of your life. It is also EXCLUDING all other people from the intimacy in your life. To get that feeling and to ensure that no one supplants the spouse a deep desire must be maintained throughout the entire relationship.

We can think of our relationships with the opposite sex by examining our competition with the same sex. Men compete with other men with strength, intelligence, and power. Women compete with other women with beauty, charm, and style. So to win a Woman's heart, show her that she is the most beautiful, charming, fashionable person in the world.  To win a Man's heart appears easier.  Simply look up to him.  If he is the man for her, this should come naturally.

Before a woman marrys a man, she must in her heart replace her Daddy with the man.  She must stop looking to her Daddy for protection, guidance and support and begin to look to the future husband.  If she didn't grow up with a Dad, who does she look up to? Who does she turn to for support and guidance? Who does she look to for protection or answers? Her Mom? Her friends? Herself? That is the right of her husband. He deserves to fill that role first. She must look up to her husband.  THAT is respect.  Feeling that he can do anything, even if he can't.  Knowing that he has all the answers, even if he doesn't.  She should be so blind to all common sense with regards to him.  THAT is love.  I really think that women want a man that does this to her.  Correct me if I am wrong.

Maybe I'm being a hair "melodramantic" here, but there are relationships like this.  And they seem quite nice.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Movie Review: Fun with Dick and Jane

Now THIS is crisis management for couples!

So Fun with Dick and Jane was my Christmas movie this year. I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised and encouraged. I heard some critics say that they found it difficult to root for a couple that would rob small businesses. But really the movie was so light hearted that it didn't take too much suspension of disbelief to excuse this minor slip-up. After all, they could have just as easily robbed big name gas stations and big name coffee shops. And in the end the robberies' role in the movie wasn't all that big. Besides, the couple commented that they would try to give back to society, which they did in the end, sort of.

I went into this movie thinking that it would be all about these two committing dozens of robberies, like a comedic Bonnie and Clyde duo. But it was actually more about how they coped with the Enron like situation they were in. I felt that this movie illustrated very beautifully how a husband and wife should cope with hardship. Now understand that I don't mean that couples today should start robbing neighborhood mom and pop shops. What I mean is that couples should look to each other for strength. The beauty of this movie was that no matter what happened, the couple remained unified. Very refreshing for a Hollywood movie.

Everything that affected one spouse affected the other spouse. Each situation that came up, they handled TOGETHER. When Dick got his promotion he encouraged his wife to quit the job she hated. It was so beautiful. I felt such love when Dick brought this up. And she was so appreciative that he could provide that for her, even if it didn't work out in the end. Hmmm... Why couldn't she get her job back? They didn't explain that. But let's get back on topic.

The couple showed more and more love and unity the more desperate the situation got. The most disconnected the couple were was when Dick robbed the neighborhood lawns of patches of grass so he could have his own lawn back. But this event actually displayed an already strong sense of unity. When Jane woke up in the morning and Dick showed her their new lawn, he treated the entire grass crime spree as if it was a wonderful present for his wife. It was almost as if he did it all for her. It was a very touching moment. And she loved the new lawn, even though we as the audience knew that it looked utterly horrible.

And finally, later on when Dick decided to go rob a store for the first time, she jumped out of bed to tag along, jokingly saying, "I have to see this. You need a wheelman don't you?" Hilarious. It might seem a bit thin of an excuse to explain why the wife tagged along for a robbery when most wives would try to stop her husband. But really it wasn't so out of place. They really laid the groundwork... they spent good time to develop the desperation necessary to convince me that this couple WOULD resort to crime to pay the bills. It took only a small leap to force them over the edge. Granted, Dick's leap was a bit more dramatic and logical and Jane went over the line much easier when most wives would be more resistant, but really it didn't bother me all that much.

My only real complaint is that the bad guy didn't get it in the end. Yeah, he lost money, but he wasn't arrested or even embarrassed. He was actually a hero in the end. Not good. He's the bad guy for goodness sake! Oh, also Dick and Jane didn't really seem to make amends for their crimes.

To sum up, this movie was about a strong unified couple dealing with crisis. It used a rather Cliché device (Enron) to give the story some rather unnecessary relevance, but I'm sure many victims of the Enron scandal got a lot of release by watching it, and it did give a good backdrop for the story. The flaws were few and minor and overall the feeling I got from this movie was very positive because the duo and chemistry between Dick and Jane was very good. I believed that they were married. I believed that they loved being married to each other and I believed that they would grow through struggle. 7 stars from me. And that's pretty good for a comedy.