If you haven't read Love and Respect you absolutely have to. I just realized just how much my recent line of thinking about leadership and preferential treatment goes along with this book.
I'll illustrate this with a rather inane example. Maybe I'll replace it later on if I come up with a better one but let's say a couple wants to go to the movies. The guy wants to see a horror movie. The girl can not stand horror movies but there is a great chick flick all of her friends have been raving about. The guy hates hates hates chick flicks though. What to do? What to do?
Let's remove all other variables from the equation and say that they are in a small town where there is nothing to do. The small theater only has two screens. They must see one of these two movies. Okay. The way I believe the couple should handle this is the woman should trust her man's leadership ability to handle the situation fairly. If he cannot come up with a compromise he should go with his girl's choice and see the chick flick. Why? Because he got what he needed: respect. She cared enough about him to respectfully defer to him. So he should show her love enough to give her what she wants.
See? It all goes back to love and respect. A woman who allows her man to lead shows him that she respects him. She trusts his actions. She doesn't just give up and say, "oh forget it. Let's just do what you want." No no no! She lovingly and respectfully gives him the lead. It's not very respectful to say "I give up."
The man should return the favor. She showed him respect. He needs to show love. A man who chooses what the woman wants shows her that he loves her more than he loves himself. He values her as a person.
Doesn't that sound nice? Guys!!!! Learn from this lesson! Give your girl what she wants!!! Not because it will get you points. Not because she will beat you if you don't. Not because she tells you what to do. Do it because she loves and respects you. If you keep proving that you will put her first she will give you the leadership and the respect you need and deserve.
(I still don't believe that respect should be earned. I think that it's a right because men need respect more than they need love. I strongly believe that if women deserve unconditional love men deserve unconditional respect.
However, even though I believe this, I would never tell my girl to respect me. If your girl believes that you have to earn respect, then you are going to have to earn it nonetheless. Earn it without argument. Fighting for respect loses you respect.)
Book Review: Columbia in Manhattanville
22 hours ago